Love is Blind. Or Just Dumb & Naïve?

We’ve all heard it before: The story of the battered woman. For whatever reason, some men feel the need to hit or beat on their girlfriends or wives. What’s more confusing is the fact that some women choose to stay in an abusive situation.

This is a particular situation where I actually have no personal experience. I have personally never been hit, shoved, choked, smacked, slapped or anything of the sort by any man. (Maybe by my mama but that’s another story)

However, I have had friends that have had all of the following done to them. What amazes me is the psyche of these women. It’s almost never about how they are going to get away from the abuser but more about how the situation could’ve have been different.

And I’m thinking, “Yeah, the situation wouldn’t have happened if you had stopped messing with dude the first time he choked your ass.”

I also hear them saying that they were “fighting”. Ain’t no fair fight when it’s a woman fighting a man in 95% of the cases. Even if you did hit him, more than likely he could’ve found a way to diffuse the situation without you ending up with a black eye or in a fetal position crying on the floor. (Y’all remember when Jody slapped Yvette in Baby Boy)

This post isn’t about how women can get out of domestic violence situations or how to look for the warning signs. It’s more about me trying to understand what these women could possibly be thinking. I have tried to put myself in the situation, tried to see it from their point of view and everything and I still don’t get it.

I just a few questions for the women in domestic violence situations:

How can you honestly stay in a relationship that’s based on fear and not love? How can you stay in a relationship where your kids’ lives are in a danger? (If you saw For Colored Girls, then you know what scene I’m thinking of) Why do you feel the need to stay with the man, even if y’all do have kids together? Why are you so afraid to go out into the world on your own?

If you’ve had any experience in this situation, leave me an anonymous comment to help me better understand.

Veronica

2 thoughts on “Love is Blind. Or Just Dumb & Naïve?

  1. Well Veronica its really a hard situation to understand. Many women that are in abusive relationships suffer from self esteem and dependency issues. Some women are so scared of being alone they would rather be in a abusive relationship then be alone. Also, many women are made to believe by their abusive partner that are useless or unattractive to find somebody else. These words because embedded in the woman's mind that they start to believe that no man would ever want them so they choose to stay. Research shows that it takes a woman 8 attempts to leave an abusive relationship before the woman actually leaves. Women are sometimes very much afraid to leave an abusive relationship because of fear. Not knowing what their partner might do to them or family or friends if the partner finds out where they are at once they leave them. For any women that are going through a situation such as them please dont be afraid to get help. There are shelters and group home available for when you finally decide to leave. Dont be afraid in seeing a therapist or joining a therapeutic group on domestic violence. Joining a group will give you the support and be of support to women in the same situation while working through your various problems.

  2. Thanks for the feedback.It's definately a serious issue that affects all of us & we must educate ourselves on the effects of abuse on the victim, abuser and most importantly the kids.

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